Progress

Each journey begins with a single step. Well that is very true and for my friend Cathy, it's a journey that's taking great shape.

As many of you know, Cathy was in an accident back in July and spent several weeks in a coma before coming out and working her way back into life's everyday activities.

Last night I had dinner with Cathy, her parents and my friend Kira and saw even more improvement than I had seen in past visits. Cathy is speaking much more and making jokes with everyone. Her sentences are longer, she's using more vocabulary and is making huge steps everyday. Her walking and motor skills are much more fluid now and you can see the determination in her face when she is doing something. She has always been very aware of her surroundings and shows that even more now.

She did several things last night that made me smile. The first being that when I arrived at the house she told me she would turn off the TV so we could "just hang out"... that brought a smile to my face. :) Cathy set the table for all of us, and even served us dessert (yummy cupcakes from Kira) after we were done. At one point we were talking about something Kira did and Cathy looked at her and said "I still love you" with the cutest smile on her face.

Throughout Cathy's rehabilitation process we have always seen her personality still shining through, even in the time when she was unable to say many words. And last night I was so proud to see that even more. Cathy is an amazing, wonderful, intelligent, vibrant person and blesses my life by just being a friend in it. I love going to visit her and seeing her improve each time I'm there.

I thank God for helping to bring her back to us and help her improve everyday. I pray for her continued healing and rehabilitation and know that regardless of how long this road is, the Cathy personality I've always known is still there and still strong.

I love you all. xoxo

Success!!!

Success can be measured on many different levels... today I had GREAT sucess for myself. I ran my PERSONAL BEST in the Almond Bowl 5K (3.2 miles) run!!! :) Yay me!!! :)
I finished the race in 31 minutes flat. I'm SOOO proud of myself! :) Prior to this run, the fastest I had run it was 31:30 and that was years ago. Recently I'd been running about 32 minutes on average.

I've been working at doing this for a long time and though I've never had a problem running, getting to the point where I LOVE running has taken some time. Now I can't wait to get out and run every day! :)

My next runs are as follows...
Run to Feed the Hungry - 5K (3.2 miles) - November 22
Frost or Fog Run - 6 miles - January
Almond Blossom Run - 10K (6.4 miles) - February
Big Sur Half Marathon - 13 miles - April
Disneyland Half Marathon - 13 miles - September
California International Marathon - 26 miles - December 2008

I can't wait to train more! :)

Wish me luck!

running update

Just a little update on my running. I've been doing really well lately and ran 4 miles straight on Tuesday night! It's the first time I've done that so it felt like a real accomplishment. I've been running 3 miles a day most other days including tonight. When daylight savings happens I'm going to have to start running in the mornings... ugh. :)

Anywho... things are going well. Next run is the Almond Bowl Run (3.2 miles) in Chico on this Sunday. Then the Run to Feed the Hungry on Thanksgiving here in Sacramento (3.2 miles). I'll hopefully throw in another run for December and January, but I'll definitely be running the Almond Blossom Run (6.4 miles) in February. Can't wait!

I'm on my way to a half marathon! Yay me! :) I'll try to do more updates on the running. Thanks for all the support. My friends and family are very proud of me and I appreciate it.

Even though life has been a bit interesting lately, I am in the best shape of my life and I am so happy to be surrounded by wonderful people all the time. Keep smiling and stay healthy! Love you all! xoxo

I am...

I am... happy, intelligent, optimistic.

I give... everything I can, so much of myself, all of my heart.

I share... everything, anything, the best of me.

I say... what I feel, what I know, what I want.

I want... to be happy, to be content, to be loved.

I care... deeply, fully, intimately.

I love... unconditionally, intensely, with every part of me.

I see... you, me, us.

I deserve... all of the above.

In the blink of an eye

When I write blogs, they are usually about life, happiness, sadness, love and learning. This one is no different.

Don't get me wrong, right now life is wonderful to say the least. I'm happy, enjoying my job, love Sacramento and have a wonderful network of family and friends who love me. But in the blink of an eye, the world I was living in changed. Now, don't worry... this wasn't a traumatic experience... it wasn't a loss really... it was more of a reality check of what I thought someone was and what I realized maybe they aren't.

It can be a really sad experience when you realize that your world isn't going as you thought it was. It can be really frustrating when you see that what you thought you had in your life is actually not that at all. I'm learning that even though you may trust someone, believe the things they tell you, and feel you are on the same page... they could change and go in a different direction at any time.

I have a high amount of faith in people. I believe that the people in my life are genuinely good and truly care about me and my feelings. I try to surround myself with these people because they make my life healthy. Maybe this makes me naive... maybe I'm just far too trustworthy of people... but I want to believe that everyone is good to some extent.

I know that most things in life don't go as planned. I have come to accept that, but when you see things going in a positive direction, why is it that things change so suddenly without explanation? I guess that is one of the mysteries of life, love and the pursuit of happiness... you never know what life is going to hand you, you just have to trust the people around you and know that if one of them hurts you... you are surrounded by many others who will hug you, tell you it's okay, and help you onto a new path.

As I said in my last blog, my life was recently on a negative path and then took a turn for the better thanks to someone helping me open my eyes. I realize now that I get to choose who I want in my life... I get to invite them in, share things with them and give them a piece of me. It is, however, their decision if they want to accept that piece.

I'm thankful to the people who have helped me... especially the most recent one... but do hope they see that their actions don't only affect them... they affect others as well. They don't only make them happy but can make others sad and confused.

Life can change in the blink of an eye... you just never know which blink it will be.

Life is good

So... life is good.

That's the easiest way to put what I am feeling right now. My life is on a huge uphill slide and makes me smile every day.

First things first... I ran the 5K in the Cowtown Marathon and came in with a pretty good time. Not my best but good enough. I'm happy about it and ready to keep training for the next race. I have found a new love of running. After a long hectic day there is nothing I would rather do than put on my Saucony's and run a couple miles to burn off some steam and cool down.

I have realized a lot of things in the past week or so. The first is that I don't need to wait around for someone to love me. Those things happen on their own and if you have to wait for someone, then you are just wasting your time because you shouldn't have to wait. This is something that has been a long time coming and even though I have pushed for it to happen several times and known it probably wasn't the best thing, I now know that the decision I made two months ago to move on with my life was the best way to go. I've also seen that compromising yourself to try and make someone else happy and help them fit in is not the answer. Sometimes love just isn't enough and it takes a little spark from someone else for you to realize that your instincts were right all along. Yes, friendship will always be there, and a bit of love, but I'm on to bigger and better things in my life with people who truly want to get to know me for the wonderful woman I am. I couldn't ask for more... and I'm smiling all the time now... ;) and it feels so good.

Everything else is falling into place. When I'm happy I just feel healthier, smile more, am not angry and genuinely love my life. I couldn't ask to be in a better place and regardless of what the next days, weeks, months, etc. hold for me, I know that I will be happy and can continue to make good things happen in my life. I am blessed with wonderful friends and family and people who make me smile. That's what truly matters... being happy in life and living without regret.

Someone recently said to me that what's important is "loving life and good people like yourself"... that really hit me in the fact that living life to the fullest is important and more than that, surrounding yourself with good people who make you smile. Again... I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Life is not only good, but great right now and I can't wait to find out what's next for me.

Long overdue update

Hello all! :)

Wow! This is a long overdue update! :) I should really be better about writing in here.

What's up with me? A lot really!

I just returned from an amazing trip to North Carolina to visit two of my good friends from college. We visited Wilmington, NC, where they film one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill). Yes, I was a total tourist and took photos with all the spots where they film the show. It was so AWESOME! We also went to the Atlantic Ocean and waded in the waves. The ocean was super warm and the weather was perfect. Such a great day. The next day we visited Duke University where we got to see the cathedral. We also went to a Carolina Hurricanes NHL game. Let's just say that I had so much fun I feel like a real "Caniac." I had a wonderful time with my friends and enjoyed the time away from work... now it's back to the grind.

I've still been running a lot, though I did take a week off because I was having issues with my patellar ligiment (at least, that's what my doctor brother told me). I'm back running now and had a great work out yesterday. Leigh's ordering me some braces for my knees so I don't have so much pressure on them when I run. Hopefully they will help for when I'm outside. My first race is coming up. The Cowtown Marathon 5K is on October 7. Should be a fun race, except for the 7:30 a.m. start time... ugh! :( Oh well... that's what runners do! :)

That's about all for now. Work is super busy, but going well as always. I'll write more when I have the chance.

The Cowtown Marathon

So... I've signed up for another 5K run on October 7, 2007. This is the beginning of my training to run a marathon next year. I've run many 5K's in my time, but not in a couple of years so I figure this will be a good jumping off point.

Next I'll be training for a 10K, then a half-marathon and finally... the big one... a marathon. It's been a goal of mine for years, but now I'm really working towards it and set on doing well.

I've been running 3 miles a day for over a week now to just bring up my endurance. (A 5K is 3.2 miles.) I'm not even worried about how I do placing wise, I just want to finish the race without stopping and begin training for the next big event.

I'll probably run the 10K in the Almond Blossom Run in February, then a 1/2 marathon near the end of next summer and the International Marathon next December.

Yay me! If I start to whine about this, please remind me that I'm lucky enough to be able to run everyday and enjoy it! :)

Answered Prayers

All I can say is... THANK GOD FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS!

I went to see Cathy tonight and can't even explain how elated I am to have her doing SOOOO well! :)

Kira and I went down to the hospital at 5:30 tonight. When we got there Cathy's mom told her she had visitors and upon walking in the room Cathy gave us the BIGGEST smile! It was such an amazing feeling! She mouthed the word HI to us (she still can't speak) and was SOOO happy. We stayed at the hospital for over an hour talking to her and Brian, and discussing all the things that had been going on and the things we had yet to do together.

Cathy looks exactly the same, just with a short haircut. She is wearing a stocking cap while her stitches are still healing, but Kira brought some cute baseball caps for her to wear while she's in the hospital so her head doesn't get cold.

While we were there Cathy also had dinner. She ate almost EVERYTHING on her plate! She's been on real food for almost a week and doing really well eating everything. She just looked so happy to have people visiting her and talking to her.

I can't even tell you all how amazed I am at the power of prayer. I feel that I am blessed to have so many people around me who are praying for Cathy in this trying time. I can't believe the improvement I've seen in Cathy every time I've been to the hospital. I really can't even explain the excitement I feel right now knowing that Cathy is going to get better and better and better!!!

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive. You are all amazing people and I appreciate each and every one of you. I will post another update on Sunday when I visit her again... this time we are bringing Big Spoon Frozen Yogurt! Yay!!

I love you all!!!!

Life lessons

It's amazing... the things you can learn from the people in your life. I'm glad to have people in my life who teach me something new everyday. I'm glad to be feeling good about myself and the things I've done in my life. I'm glad that I've realized my faults and taken an active part in making them positive attributes.

I love my friends and family... just being blessed with your presence makes me happy. I know I have a lot to give in this life and am very blessed to be as loved as I am.

If anyone needs some love... I have plenty to share... just hit me up.

My visit to Cathy Liu

This update is a bit late, but I figure that late is better than never, right?

Last week Sunday (8/5) I went to the hospital to visit Cathy in her new room. As you all know, she had been moved from the ICU to a regular room on the 8th floor. When Kira and I arrived we were greeted by her parents, boyfriend Brian and his parents. We all chatted for a little bit while the nurses were in with Cathy. We learned that she had been doing really well, was looking at the cards everyone had been sending her and was performing small tasks such as holding up two fingers when asked.

This visit was the first time, in the month Cathy had been in the hospital, that Kira and I were actually able to see her in person. The previous times we had only been able to visit with her family in the waiting room. It was really exciting to see her. She still looks like the same Cathy, just with a short haircut. :) She was moving her left leg a lot and her arms as well and seemed quite alert, looking back and forth from me to Kira and back again. We talked about the things we couldn't wait to do with her and reminisced about the things we had already done. Though she could not answer us, I believe she understood what we were saying.

Yesterday (8/12), Kira and I went back to the hospital to hopefully see Cathy again. Unfortunately she was being taken for general tests and follow up, so we were unable to see her at that time. We did get to see Pam though. She told us that Cathy would begin therapy today (3 hours daily) and that we would be able to see her later in the week. She said Cathy's operation to reattach her skull cap had gone very well and that she was improving everyday.

We are very excited to see Cathy on Saturday of this week. I know I can't wait to talk to her more and tell her about everyone sending their prayers and good thoughts.

I can't tell you how much I personally appreciate everyone's thoughts during this time. It's been a tough month for all of us and I'm so proud to have all of you around me as my friends. I hope you are all doing well. I'll write another update on Sunday after I've checked in on Cathy again. :) Oh, and I also attached a photo of Cathy and I that was taken at a BBQ back on June 17. Enjoy! :)

My LOVE to all of you,
Laura

Time away

So... last night I spent some much needed time with family and realized that there are many people around me who support me and only want the best for me. Though I'm here in Sacramento on my own, I have family that is not far away who are there for me.

It's been a tough couple of days and I know it will only get tougher, but knowing these people are here for me makes me feel better.

I'm blessed to not only have a close knit family, but also a great group of friends. Just this morning one of my good friend sensed something was wrong and took me aside to talk about it. These are the things I need right now. I'm not one of those people who talks about myself all the time... I'm more of a listener... but right now, I need people to listen to me. I need them to hear what I'm going through and allow me to get it off my chest. For the first time in a LONG time, I don't want to hear about other people's problems, I want them to hear about mine... It's very weird to feel this way, but it just feels like what my heart needs at this point.

I don't really know what else to say in today's blog... I'm pushing along... but feel so lost at the same time. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel... it's just taking a while to get there.

It was an okay day

Today was an okay day.

Good things

Today was the first time in the month that Cathy has been in the hospital that I actually got to see her in person. She looks good and is alert and awake. She was moving her left leg and arm quite a bit and was looking around the room checking each of us out. She has a buzzed haircut which actually looks really good on her. :)

It was such a great day seeing her family, Brian and his family. Everyone is so loving and caring for her. They watch her all day, talk to her and help her out the best they can. It's been a really long process and each day seems to be a bit better. On Tuesday she will go back in for surgery to have the portion of her skull replaced that they removed to allow for brain swelling. This is a step back, but a step forward at the same time.

I'm so excited that my friend is doing better. I'm glad that I can finally visit the hospital and look at her. I can't wait to spend time hanging out in the hospital with her where we can watch TV, read books and chat about the old times. :) I can't wait until I can just help her out with everything she is going through.

Isn't love enough?

Today has been an okay day because I had a fun night last night... but I'm still so tore up over the things going on in my life. Though there is good in Cathy's recovery process, there have been some really hard days lately. I can't seem to understand how things got turned so upside down in my life. I can't understand what I did to deserve the turn of events that has happened.

I miss the days when everything made sense. I miss the times when I would sit in the park and watch the stars. I miss the times when I could laugh about nothing at all, just because. I miss the mornings when I would wake up and be smiling. I miss the feeling that my world was amazing and couldn't get any better.

I want to go back to those days. I want to laugh for no reason. I want to watch the stars and enjoy them. I want to smile when I wake up. I want to be happy because I deserve to be.
I know that healing takes a long time, but I feel that I deserve to be happy. I deserve someone who will fight for me.

A script excerpt from the movie "Last Kiss"...

"I realize now that I love her more than I will ever love anybody else." - Zach Braff

"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love. That's what matters. It's the only thing that counts." -- Tom Wilkinson

"What do I have to do?" -- Zach Braff

"Just do whatever it takes. You can't fail if you don't give up." -- Tom Wilkinson

Not a sob story

I know that my blogs lately seem to be all about me and how sad I've been, but I'm not trying to be the girl with the sob story, for any of you who think I am. It's simply that I have been going through some tough times and I feel alone. My Blog is the only way I can really get my thoughts and feelings out so I feel better on the inside. Each blog I write makes me feel better about my situation and allows me to realize that things are getting better each day, despite the fact that I don't feel like they are.

I refuse to let my life be thought of as a sob story. I want my life to be happy again... and voicing my feelings is getting me there. :)

Sometimes...

Sometimes in life you hit those moments when you feel as if you can't breathe and things will just get worse and worse in your life. Those are the moments when you can either be pulled out of a hole or stay in the darkness for too long.

I have chosen to come out of the hole. To put on a smile whether I want to or not, don my shades and walk out into the sun to welcome a new day full of love and happiness. I can now feel the breeze on my face and the warmth of the sun and though some sorrow is hidden behind my shades, I can move forward, one foot in front of the other and do better for myself and my future, because it's the one thing I have control over.

With each ending comes a new beginning. Each ending means a new path in your life and a new chance to grow and learn from your mistakes and successes. This ending is a new beginning in my strength as a woman in this world. I'm a stronger woman because of every relationship I have faced. I am able to look back on the good and bad points and see that I've grown through the happy times and heartache. I've gained knowledge to share with others and to make my life that much more fulfilling in the end.

I pray that I continue to follow this enlightened path and soon enough am able to remove my shades, and look bare faced into the sun where I can say,

"Lord, thank you for blessing me and healing my heartache. Thank you for bringing these experiences into my life and making me a stronger person in the process. Thank you for staying by my side in good times and bad and thank you for not judging me based on my decisions. I pray that you have more trials and success planned for me and that you will continue to protect me on the path."

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. My life would be empty without each and every one of you. Alexis, Molly, Leigh, Meggie, Megan, Tracey, Twila, Lindsay, Mom, Dad, Matt M., Mike, Steve, John, Steven, Jamie, Jackie, Melissa, Carla, Jill, Laura R., Nan, Loren, Karen, and the rest of my loved ones, thanks. Life is not as blessed without you and your friendship and love. You amaze me day after day and make me thank God for giving me so much. I love you all!

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade

The past few days have been extremely difficult for me. In the midst of my sorrow and heavy emotions over my break up, I have realized that there are so many more important things to worry about in life.

I received an e-mail at the end of the day yesterday that made me cry tears of joy for the first time in a long time. It was from Cathy's boyfriend, Brian. He told me how Cathy is making progress in her current medical state (she is still in a coma) and that the other day she actually squeezed his hand. Now, we don't know if this was actually Cathy or an involuntary muscle movement, but we are sure believing it is the better of the two.

This situation was also put into perspective by my fabulous mother who told me something her friend said today. I guess one of our family friends was complaining about helping his son fix something on his car. Well, his wife turned to him and said, "I bet Cathy's dad would do anything to be fixing her car for her right now." It just really reminded me that life is not always about what you think it should be about. And though things may not be your way, they are still better than they could be.

The e-mail from Brian and conversation with my mom made me realize, through these tears of joy, that though my life is very tough right now, it is not nearly as bad as it could be. I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by people who love me all the time. I am blessed to have friends who love me like family and family who loves me more than anything. I am so happy to be healthy and doing the things I want to do with my life.

When life hands you lemons, you have to make lemonade. There is nothing else you can do. If you don't then you will remain sad for too long and will not see everything that the world has to offer you. Right now I'm trying my hardest to make a lot of lemonade and realize that though my heart is truly aching, it could be worse and Jeff could not be a part of my life at all.

My relationship has taught me many things about myself and made me realize that I control my future. If I'm not happy with the direction it is going, then I have every right to change the direction because the decisions I make are my own. I only have one life to live and in this life I have to live it to the fullest and get everything I can out of it.

I can only hope that all of my friends do the same. Please, live your life to the fullest, live your life for yourself and don't settle for anything you don't feel you deserve. Don't expect the world to change for you. You need to take it as it is and respect yourself in the process.

I'm slowly making my lemons into lemonade right now... and soon enough life will be sweet and I will be stronger because of it.

My Blog

Welcome to my Blog... I'm hoping this is a way I can keep in touch with family and friends who do not (or do!) have a MySpace or Facebook page. I'll keep you posted on what I'm up to, what is going on in my life with friends and family and just general stuff I want to chat about. :) Enjoy!